I have been thinking so much these past few days....so, so much. I don't know how to even put what all is going on in my mind on paper. But here goes.

I feel so different than other teenagers. I just feel, kind of like an old soul. I've never been into partying...or anything of that sort. I just kind of lay low. I have a different aspect on life. I'm more focused on what life is about, not which boy I'm going to date tomorrow. Life is short. I believe every minute is a gift. You don't know anything for certain. You don't know if the person you're yelling at is really dying inside. You just don't know.

I have spent so much time wishing, dreaming, wanting what I can't have. I believe I have had a great life. Every single minute is precious...a gift. I just have been so lucky with what God has given me, and I can't express that enough. I've also been lucky in figuring out my life purpose in just sixteen short years. We all have a purpose...we're all here for a reason.

I still have more going in my mind but I don't know how to write it.

xoxo God Bless

Amazing. That word describes today so well. I had an absolute blast raising awareness for childhood cancer. So many people acted shocked that kids get cancer...and that's why we need more research and awareness. Kids get cancer too. And the rate for childhood cancer is increasing. Too much. I told people about Ellie. I got lots of "Aw" and "That's sad." Some people would walk by and just smile. Others would stop and ask what it was for. I gave all the kids silly bands. It was fun. I raised $53 for Ellie and $53 for Alex's Lemonade. That's not counting the $146 in online donations! The support was absolutely amazing...I can't wait to do it again.

God Bless
xoxo

Ava Nichols
Age 5
Brain Tumor

McKenna Maiorana
Age 1
Neuroblastoma

Daisy Love
Age 6
Wilms Tumor

Kate McRae
Age 6
Brain Tumor


WE'RE FIGHTING FOR YOU ♥

Well, yesterday started off as any other day....until my mom calls me in her room to inform me she is having bad chest pains. I told her right away we needed to go to the hospital. So within minutes, we were in the car rushing to the ER. Once we finally got there, we waited for probably 30-45 minutes. They did a ton of tests on my mom, asked her questions, etc. We stayed in the same room until midnight. I wanted to go home...so bad. But to my surprise, we had to stay overnight. We got moved to a room upstairs and it was pretty nice. It had a plasma TV, it's own bathroom, and a nice view. But the chair I was sitting in...was not comfortable at all to say the least. I am very sore. I woke up every 2 hours to doctors checking on my mom. That morning, well, afternoon we were told all test results came back good. THANK THE LORD! We left and I got my favorite food, Logans. Life is good and God is good. I'm glad we went. A relief!

God Bless
xoxo

I have got to stop sleeping so late. It makes me feel like crap. Just crap. I wake up every morning with a headache, hungry, and tired. Or I guess I should say every afternoon. Oh well, it's still a beautiful day full of new opportunities. THREE DAYS until my lemonade stand. I'm excited and nervous...but most of all, excited. I can't wait to spread the word about pediatric cancer. People need to know kids get cancer too....and the rate for childhood cancer is increasing. "Pediatric cancer" isn't just a word. It's the reality of 46 new kids and families every single day. As I sit here writing....46 children are getting diagnosed with a life threatening disease. Their parents hearts are being ripped open and suddenly they feel as if the world is closing in on them. THIS is the reality of 46 new children and families every. single. day. What is ahead of us, they ask? Chemo, radiation, surgery, weeks at the hospital, blood transfusions, and more complete....horror. And you know what? Your child is probably going to relapse. And then, they'll do it all over again. And they probably won't even survive.

This is what cancer families are facing. CANCER SUCKS.

Ellie Shoal Potvin

Ellie Shoal Potvin 10/31/01 - 06/23/10

This post is entirely dedicated to Miss Ellie....and I can't promise it won't be extremely long. Ellie was diagnosed with a rare form of pediatric cancer on July 2, 2008. Being the old soul she is....she kept a positive attitude throughout her entire journey. She always believed she would "Kick Cancers Butt." And she did. She is now healed of all cancer and free. Her spirit is flying around Heaven...and showing herself to others through butterflies and rainbows. I saw a butterfly today....I stared at it, thinking "Ellie." It made my day. Ellie went into remission in the summer of 2009, but sadly, relapsed three months later. In December 2009 she was given 4 weeks to live. She passed away on June 23, 2010. I truly think Ellie survived longer because of her amazing spirit. She was so brave. Braver than I could have ever been. What an amazing, special little girl. It's truly amazing she accomplished her purpose in life in just 8 short years. I have no doubt Jesus greeted her with the words, "Job well done." Oh Ellie...I love you. You're so missed. Fly baby fly!

Ellie has changed my life. She has made me a better person. I live life to it's fullest now. I don't stress over the little things. Ellie has done this for many people....she has given them a different perspective on life. She is AMAZING.

The above picture describes so much. So much beauty. So much of who I am. You look at the picture, you see a flower. A flower with raindrops. And in the lower right hand corner....a pink ribbon. Cancer Sucks. Anyways. Things have changed...things have changed a lot. At times, I try to drown myself in my own self pity. But then I take a second thought. "What in the world am I sad for? I have a roof over my head, great friends, a small, yet great family, I have perfect health...and on the outside looking in, I'm well off." Lately, I've decided to not live for myself. But to live for others. Hate no one. Look down on no one. Remember, every single person is undergoing a battle. Sometimes I look at people....and I think "Wow. What a mean, selfish person." But, why am I thinking this? Do I even have a clue what they're going through? No. The truth is, we all need to see the good in everyone. Even the people who have hurt us. Even the people who have ripped our hearts out. Even the people who have said cruel things about us. Even the people who no matter what we do, continue to "hate" us. See the good in them. For example...Carrie Underwood's fan club party. I sat in the front row, highly anticipating the start of the party. Two girls come and sit behind me, I glance at them and then turn back around. I suddenly become very nervous, self conscious. Why, you ask? The two girls that sat behind me have torn me apart. They have said the meanest of mean about me, they have spread rumors, and all in all...they have hurt me. I sit there, thinking "Man, what did I ever do to them? I'm so unlikable." Moments later, another girl walks past me. She stops at me, and says something not worth repeating. I think to myself again, "Wow...I knew I was hated, but not to the point someone would say it to my face." My mood for the party went down hill. All because of three girls. And while I could have chosen to "hate" them, to talk bad about them, to spread rumors, I chose to see the good in them. I chose to see the good they had done in their life. The party was a good time...I had fun. While standing in the big crowd leaving the arena after the party, the girl who sat behind me, came and stood beside me with her Mother. Both whom gave me "dirty" looks. Once again, I think, "Wow...what in the world did she tell her Mom about me?" but I stop myself...I stop myself from seeing all the bad she has done. Everyone has good in them. And I am going to believe that even though she has hurt me, she is a good person.

God Bless.